Scandal and Chicanery: A Blue-Gray Sky EXCLUSIVE
One of the leaders of the Penn St. defense is Dan Connor, the 6'3", 233 lb. senior from Wallingford, PA. Connor is the latest Butkus Award candidate to wear the blue and white of Linebacker U. He will be a handful for an Irish offense looking to establish an identity after a disastrous performance in the opener.
John Goodman, on the other hand, has verbally committed to join Notre Dame in the fall of 2008. The Irish list Goodman as a 6'3", 186 lb. wide receiver from Fort Wayne, IN.
However, in a Blue-Gray Sky EXCLUSIVE, we can reveal photographic evidence that proves something so shocking, I can barely bring myself to report it: John Goodman and Dan Connor are THE SAME PERSON! In this photo, Connor/Goodman and an unidentified woman take in the Michigan/Appalachian St. game on the Big Ten Network:
Somebody call Jeff Carroll.
See what happens when
you FIGHT a STRANGER
in the ALPS?
The Nittany Lions are coming off of an impressive 59-0 victory over the visiting Golden Panthers of Florida International (the only Panthers that Penn St. will play these days). Penn St. quarterback Anthony Morelli was an impressive 23-38 for 295 yards and 3 touchdowns, perhaps finding his stride as he begins his second year as the starter.
Penn St. head footbawl coach Joepa Terno is a bona fide institution/deity/regional treasure among Nittany Lion faithful, but has the game passed him by? We asked Coach Terno that very question at his weekly press conference, and this was his response:
Eat at Your Own Risk
QB Browns Alert Level: BLACK
Throughout the season, we will periodically update you on the progress of fan favorite QB Browns in his rookie campaign. He will start the season on the bench, as the enigmatic (read: not particularly good) Charlie Frye has been given the nod to start against the Browns' archrivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers.
To give you an idea of QB Browns's progress, I have developed a handy, color-coded Alert Level to keep you abreast of his status. The levels are as follows:
BROWN: Taking the Browns to the Super Bowl
ORANGE: The Toast of Cleveland
YELLOW: Bench Pressing Steely McBeam
GREEN: Starting, but Unproven
PURPLE: Pummelled by the Ravens Defense
It has been widely reported that QB Browns lost millions when he slipped from a presumptive top ten pick to the 22nd selection in the NFL Draft. Times are so desperate that he has gotten his hair cut clean off, presumably selling the clippings to one of those companies that makes wigs out of human hair.
"Beware the Beaver---danger lies that way. From mountain high, the lion descends, ready to strike. The gray man, Death incarnate, foretells doom. Bottom line, the Irish lack the team speed to keep up with the Nittany Lions. Penn State beats Notre Dame 35-10."