Young man, there's a place you can go
I said young man, when you're short on your dough
With Teds' comprehensive review of the Buckeyes fulfilling our duty to provide legitimate analysis of the game, we're now free to present our contribution to bowl season inanity (inspired by the inimitable House That Rock Built). Here's our breakdown of factors that, though certain to have an impact on the game, the oddsmakers appear to have overlooked:
|Category ||Ohio State ||Notre Dame ||Edge |
|Heisman Trophies || |
|Distinctive Fashion Choice || |
|Distance from Ann Arbor || |
|Rock/Pop Alumni || |
|Gameday Tradition || |
Play, like, a tuba today
Play Like A Champion Today
|Wide Receiver's First Name || |
|Cornerback's First Name || |
Wu Tang Lyric
"Rumble with patrolmen, tear gas laced the function"
"We return like Jesus, when the whole world needs us"
|90's Lombardi Award Winner || |
|First round draft choice who said he was retiring from the NFL early to become a doctor became a... || |
Third-string ESPN analyst
|Artistic Alumnus || |
|Investment Strategy || |
Straight cash, homie
|Helmets || |
the gold standard
|Novelty Song || |
The Dead Schembechlers,
"Bo For 24"
Marco, "The Day The Losing Died"
That looks like a 9-4-1 advantage for Notre Dame in these critical areas. Adjust your bets accordingly.