Rick Minter's Instructions On How To Light a Match | by Jay

1. Locate box of matches.

2. Check expiration date on matches.

3. Carefully open box, making sure not to spill any matches on the floor.

4. Select a match.

5. Check match for dampness.

6. If match is damp, fill sink with water. Place match under water for approximately three minutes. Remove match from water, wrap in aluminum foil and dispose in OSHA-certified fireproof refuse container.

7. Repeat steps 5 and 6 as often as necessary until a match of optimal dryness is located.

8. Gently close matchbox.

9. Hold match between thumb and forefinger.

10. Instruct bystanders to don fire-resistant nomex coveralls and eye protection.

11. Strike match against striking surface on side of box.

12. If match does not light, please refer to Appendices I-XXII, "Contingencies and Alternatives."


Corwin Brown's Guide to Lighting a Match

1. LIGHT THE DAMN MATCH!