the Bruins of My Expertise | by Jay
...to borrow a line from John Hodgman. Herewith, an Index of Complete World Knowledge, Compiled with Instructive Annotation and Arranged in Useful Order, by Us, the Blue-Gray Sky, Professional Writers, in the area of matters pertaining to Notre Dame, UCLA, and Most Other Subjects, inspired by NBC.com, and to be continued and expanded upon by our Gentle Readers in the Section of Commentary.
Category |  |  |
| Colors | Blue & Gold | "True" Blue & Gold |
| National Championships, Football | 11 | 1/2 |
| National Championships, Hoops | 0 | 11 |
| Campus Landmark | the Golden Dome | that one place from Revenge of the Nerds |
| Haunted Building | Washington Hall | Pauley Pavilion |
| Average Snowfall | 70.9 inches/year | Snow? |
| Record vs Southern Cal | 42-30-5 | 27-41-7 |
| Defensive Scheme | Bend, Don't Break | Fly to the Ball |
| NFL Influence | Weis (Pats, Giants, Jets), Bill Lewis (Dolphins) | Dorrell (Broncos), DeWayne Walker (Redskins, Giants, Pats) |
| Favorite Lou | Holtz | Alcindor |
| Metrosexual QB | Brady Quinn | Troy Aikman |
| Fibs | "the University of Navy scares the hell out of me" | Pat Cowan was "coughing up blood" |
| Highest Potential, unreached | Arnold Ale | Arnold Ale |
| Vaulted to #1 in 1988 When | UCLA lost | ND beat Miami |
| Jim Colletto | Horrific Offensive Coordinator | Pretty Good Line Coach |
| Nobel Prize Winners | Do we have any? | 9 |
| Cult Hero Who Died an Early Death | Jesus | James Dean |
| NFL Placekickers | John Carney, undrafted, 403 career FGs and counting | John Lee, 2nd-round pick, 8 career FGs |
| Best Gameday Tradition | the marching band "step-off" | Hitting Urban Outfitters on the Promenade |
| Health Care | the Infirmary ("What you need is a good bleeding") | the world-famous UCLA Medical Center |
| Musical Alums | Umphrey's McGee, Ted Leo | Linkin Park, Jim Morrison |
| Average Walking Time from Dorm to Stadium | 5 minutes | not yet attempted |
| Sci-Fi influence | a Genius Robot | George Takei |
| Ritzy Neighborhood bordering north side of campus | Roseland | Bel Air |
